Sucker!

I am a sucker. Particularly when it comes to music and my daughter. Oh yeah, and I have had many sucker moments for my son too. But when there is something they really love, when it brings that high voltage smile to their faces and the -- thanks mom. I just can't resist.

So I bought the ukelele and I said we could do a surprise party for her friend but I also said only if you..."bark" - yep I said it -- clean your room...or uh organize your room - actually I didn't say it. Why? Because she said that when I keep telling her it makes her want to not do it. So I said, okay we can have the party and so forth but only if you do the thing that you don't want me to tell you to do...

We will see how that goes....she has until tomorrow. And the saga continues....

Clean your Room!

OMG! I can't believe it. Yes, I feel like I am constantly barking "clean your room". Actually I changed it to straighten your room or organize your room cause my daughter once gave me the argument that she is really not "cleaning" her room, that would be different like doing the floors or something. I have tried almost every logical and illogical discussion to get her to "straighten her room". So far, nothing has worked really well.

I tried - you will be able to find your things. She is always losing or misplacing things.
I tried - it is respectful. You have to respect your things.
I tried - we all have some responsibility and this is your responsibility.
I tried - bribing.
I came really close with what I call the "You want, I want" mantra. Basically, when she says that she wants something, I say I want something too. You want an iPod, I want you to straighten your room. And so on. It is difficult to argue with this logic but it only works sometimes and her room is still a mess.

She says things like - it's my room and I should be able to have it the way I like it. I like it this way -- all the things that ....gulp...I said too!!

One time, my parents were going out and my dad told me to clean up my room and he expected me to do it by the time he came back. When they came back, I was already sleeping. My dad came into my room and saw that...uh...I hadn't cleaned my room. Well, he lifted me out of the bed and dropped me to the floor and told me to clean my room. I never forgot that but I don't think it really helped to motivate me to clean my room!

It's amazing though how we as parents even in this generation and time still have the same issues with our kids that our parents had with us. Isn't it time we figured this stuff out? What is it with kids of any and every generation with cleaning or, uh, straightening their rooms....

Learn from Me!

Bark of the Day: Don't make the same mistakes I did!

My daughter is in honors English and her teacher told her that she thinks that she should drop to College Prep. She doesn't want to and for all the right reasons. She wants to be challenged.

How many times have you shared your own life experiences with your kids hoping that they will learn from it and not make the same mistakes that you did? My son, who is 18 takes it as wise words of wisdom, my 15 year old daughter would like me to shut up and she pretty much tells me so. But I also know that while she pretends she isn't listening, I know she does when I hear her echo my words and behavior in some way shape or form. She just doesn't want to admit it.

Sometimes there is more value if we let our children learn certain things on their own. But determining what those things are, how much to push, and when to pull back is somewhat of a trial and error and certainly dependent on the kid.

This is when our experience and insight into our children really comes into play. And no matter how well we know our children and how experienced we are -- we will at times make mistakes, just like they will. Most importantly if and when they do we have to make sure that they learn from them too.

Just like we did.

Barks of Love

I bark. If you are a mom, you probably bark sometimes too. Not like a dog but I am pretty sure it sounds something like that to your kids. It's okay. Really.

Like today, I was barking about budgeting to my teenage son. Bark, you are spending too much...bark, you have to watch your budget...bark, you have to get a summer job. And my daughter...bark, clean your room.

We moms no matter how much we try and even succeed in having good, productive discussions with our kids, you can be pretty sure it sounds like barking to them.

But let's remember that barking can be affectionate, yes a bark is demanding attention but it doesn't have to be mean or nasty. We love our kids - and that is why we bark.